Handsome Donkey

I don’t yet fully understand blogging, or “bloggery” as it were. It sounds like something Harry Potter plays at recess. Blog. Is it animal, vegetable or mineral? Is it noun, adjective or verb? Can it fancifully dance across the boundaries that define normative constructs of the English language and be all three? Like the word “smurf”? As in… I blogged down to the most glorious meadow and picked a bloggy bushel of beautiful blogs”?

Is blogging about sharing idle thoughts with the World Wide Web and hoping to find out that there’s someone out there who actually cares? Is that what it’s about? Connecting? If that’s the case, what are people like me who aren’t terribly interesting supposed to do?

Jan. 15, 2009; 12:14pm

“Eating sandwich.”

Jan. 15, 2009; 1:47pm

“Sandwich not sitting great.”

Jan. 15, 2009; 3:12pm

“Finally passed that sandwich.”

Jan. 15, 2009; 3:35pm

“Hungry again.”

Or is blogging about the dissemination and collection of news and information? If that’s the case, then I am definitely not qualified to blog, and neither are 99% of the people who do. I’m probably not going to find out the late-breaking news about the crisis in Gaza from a guy named PussyFingerz and truth be told, I’m not all that interested in DemonWizrd’s take on the bailout. The internet is great for like bridging the gulfs between us and stuff, but how do we know who to listen to if everyone’s talking at once? Isn’t that just noise?

I just don’t get it.  Maybe I’m hopeless. What am I supposed to do? What if I have nothing to say?  I tried to séance Arianna Huffington on my Ouja board last night to ask her advice but as it turns out she’s alive and well. Ahhh, I don’t know.  Maybe the digital revolution will leave an old coot like me behind, scavenging off of cockroaches and wearing only tattered shreds of cloth to protect whatever modesty I have left. I’ll figure it out sooner or later, but for now I just feel adrift in a sea of 1’s and 0’s. Anyways, the nurse is telling me it’s time for my meds so I must sign off, go bite down on something leathery and crap my pants. See you in the blogosphere, bloglodites!