After a massive worldwide search and dozens of rounds of auditions, screen tests, work sessions, chemistry reads, and contract negotiations, we are finally excited to announce that the lead role in Handsome Donkey’s Feature Film Debut “ONE BLADE AT A TIME: The Rudy Galindo Story” has been awarded to none other than Handsome Donkey’s own… 1998-Aaron Greenberg!
Enraged rioters in Greece caused significant damage and destruction throughout the capital city of Athens by staging large, violent demonstrations and hurling bottles, glass and rocks at the Parliament building. Making matters worse, it took police several hours to control the chaos because everyone thought the commotion was just a big fat wedding.
It was on this date, May 5, in the year 1996 that American armed forces, under the leadership of President Thomas J. Whitmore, successfully repelled an alien invasion by launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. On that day, Cinco De Mayo became a global holiday.
ERRORS AND OMISSIONS: Our researchers at Handsome Donkey have issued a correction that this event actually took place on July 4 — the American Independence Day. Whatever. Fuck off.
Thanks to the Huffington Post for dusting off this classic quilting volume.
Last week, the President gave a speech at Kennedy Space Center to unveil his ambitious new plans for NASA, which could include a manned mission to Mars. A spokesman for the Red Planet who identified himself only as Marvin, called the President’s plan “Ver-ry int-er-esting…” and said he looked forward to welcoming visitors from “our puny planet.” He then laughed creepily, pulled out a ray gun, and vaporized several members of the press corps.
Not many people realize that of the four founding members of Handsome Donkey, almost 50% of us hold law degrees. Given our vast expertise in the field, Mr. President, we would urge you to consider our short list of judicial nominees to fill Justice John Paul Stevens’s seat on the highest court in the land. We feel the nominees on this list will complement the already established personalities of the court, like John Roberts’s spineless bowing to corporate interests or Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s alleged insatiable sexual appetites (we hear she was the first justice to have a stripper pole in the chamber since Oliver Wendell Holmes.)
Thank you, Mr. President, and good luck with the appointments!
Judge Joe Brown
The Honorable Judge Reinhold
Judge Doom (on second thought, this may be a terrible idea)
FROM YESTERDAY’S NEW YORK TIMES: Chief Justice John Roberts told Solicitor General Elena Kagan, in open court no less, “I looked at your briefs.” Witnesses in the courtroom said that the comment came after Ms. Kagan had bent down to pick up her highlighter.
UPDATED: Apparently Chief Justice Roberts was referring to some “legal briefs” filed by Ms. Kagan on behalf of the U.S. Government. Thanks for pointing out our error “resipsa33.” Apologies for any confusion.